Kohn argues that when we rely on external motivators such as rewards and punishments, we are teaching our children that their worth depends on their actions. Time-outs, positive re-enforcement, natural consequences, and other commonly prescribed parenting techniques have no place in unconditional parenting. “Unconditional parenting” is the term that Kohn uses to describe a relationship where the quality and quantity of parental attention is not limited to punishing a child’s bad behavior and rewarding good behavior. Instead, Kohn, who has been writing about parenting and education for more than 20 years, says that parents need to ask themselves, “What are your long-term objectives for your children?” But Alfie Kohn wants to dissuade parents from making obedience their ultimate goal. Most books about parenting offer tips for handling kids when they act up: how to get them to go to bed without a fuss how to cure their picky eating habits how to stop them from talking back.
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